Give.
I think anyone in their right mind would agree that as we grow in our Life experience, it becomes clearer that what’s most important about us & the Life that we are is what we give, the way we deliver, and what for.
Young minds are always thinking about what they want to become and the lifestyles they wish to live. There’s no limitations to what any of us can aspire to be. Most of the people you know don’t care if what you’re aspiring for is humble or extravagant. What matters more (to the people who matter most) is that you have dreams and you’re willing to keep reaching for them. Regardless of what your interests are, what matters most is that you’re putting in the time to develop the skill set for them.
Although, beyond this I still encourage every dreamer — to tap further into your humanity, by ensuring that what you do, your art/craft/service is both creative & giving. Meaning, through it you find new ways to express your authenticity, and you are also doing it with a wider intention of contributing to something inclusive — facilitating growth, fulfilling needs beyond your own for reason other than your personal gain.
In this Life of mine, I aspire to reflect & showcase the fullest expression of my humanity. Something that’s very important to me anymore is actively & consistently witnessing myself exercise my voice to share & give in order to help a common cause. I know that can sound like some “woke” bullshit, and there’s probably a lot of people who know me, or know of me that would think I’m the biggest hypocrite for saying that.. Trust me, I know I’ve been no role model, so I won’t act like it. I’m plenty human though! I’ve got a few big insecurities, and a thousand triggers. I’ve got a temper too. I don’t always choose compassion. On days that I’m stressed, it’s hard to be kind, patient, understanding, but it’s pretty easy to be petty. However, I’ll be the first to plead guilty to this. It’s how I learned & chose to cope, but I recognize the error in my ways, and I do care to make it better.
There’s too many kids & young adults, and adults that never grew up that have adopted this mindset of not giving a fuck. This kind of mental game is that of a primitive ego, and it’s harmful, not to mention, contagious. Shit ain’t cute. I’m not sharing this just to cast judgment; I’m sharing this as one who’s tainted by this behavior myself. I’ll admit it, some days it seems like half of the time I’m too busy not giving a fuck, while the other half I’m feeling sorry for myself about being so careless.
I think we all know that sometimes it sucks to care, and it would be much less stressful to just not give a fuck, and check out.. It’s some hard work to keep yourself in check, but it’s a hell of a skill to have, and it’s a skill that gets stronger as we become more in touch with what we really give a fuck about.
If I had any advice for my younger self in this context, it would be to keep keeping yourself honest, so when Life shows you what gives, you’ll find clarity instead of resistance.
Too recently and without any warning I had a friend of mine pass. Receiving the news over the phone took my breath away. He was a part of my group of friends that I’d hang out with nearly everyday for my last 2 years in school. It was unexpected and unprecedented, never before had there been anyone in my life who I felt that I was even remotely close with die.. This is my first time feeling like I’m forced to cope with the weight of our mortality. As a kid, I’d witness members of my family experience & cope with the loss of loved ones, but to me the departed were always distant relatives, friends of friends, etc.
When I was around 6 years old, I remember attending a memorial of a step-grandmother. There were a couple dozen people there, and everyone was wearing a face of grief & loss, except for my mom. I was beside her the whole event, and I had sensed that she was sad too, but not bothered.. Even though I was still very young, I could feel the weight of the event, but I didn’t question mom’s demeanor because I wasn’t bothered either. Not until I was approached by the family members that were closest to whom had passed, because that was when I had sensed just how crushing this loss was for them. Mom was still at my side, still unbothered. I asked her why she wasn’t crying like everyone else. What she said next will forever leave an impression upon my heart,
“Nobody lives forever, honey. We are all meant to pass away. I don’t cry at these things anymore because I see that in many ways they’re in a better place. In a sense they’re free.”
This was the first conscious encounter of mine with death & mortality that I can recall. I hadn’t thought about this memory in years, but since my buddy passed, I’m thinking about it all the time.
I find it interesting because I was never very bothered when either of my grandfathers passed. Of course its depressing to hear that a family member has died, and of course there’s grief with each loss, but their deaths didn’t leave me with a bunch of unsettling questions. Derek’s was too sudden, and I don’t want to believe that “it was his time”.. I know in my heart that he had so much more to give. He was only a few months older than myself. I can’t imagine what his family is going through right now; I don’t even want to begin to imagine the pain that mine would be enduring if it was me.
I think it just hits a little different with someone who’s a peer. You’re way quicker to put yourself in those shoes. There’s more to it than grief & depression, its the endless questions & the what-ifs that really shake you up. What if I’m the next friend who dies before turning twenty five? That shit doesn’t sit well with me. I’ve got too much left to realize.
Derek was a good friend, gone way too soon. He always supported the WørldMood vision and everything that I talked about putting together related to it. We’d have dialogues all the time where we’d go back & forth on how we can be the influences that we wish we had, but for the coming generations! In a way, his passing has given me tremendous strength & confidence to bring it all to Life, bless.
It was an honor to know him. There’s not much I wouldn’t trade to spend a little more time with him. It’s in his name & spirit that I share these words.
We’re human, Life as we know it is impermanent, and though there’s much to learn about where we come from & where we go, what matters most is how we treat the land from which we sprout, and give to the family & communities we’re apart of.
Your life can be anything you want. Your life is what you make it. But any day at any moment, there’s a chance it can fall away. And without a doubt, one day it will.
In Memory of Derek Hawkins
10/28/96 — 5/22/21
Just give.