Falling-Free
Falling is something I love to witness as much as I love to embrace. It just always feels so symbolic to me. The crashes are dramatic & always memorable, and to feel & lean into a fall gracefully is to be in bliss.
Plus, it’s a big flex. — To have the balance and composure to pull it all together is admirable to say the least. As a witness, I just can’t ever help but respect it.
I’m intrigued, I find falling so attractive, and there’s so many things I love and fantasize about that are essentially just falling with style. Cliff jumping, sky diving, downhill boarding, theme park rides, bungee jumping, base jumping, jumping anything, flying anything, hang gliding! Hell, I’d even include surfing.
My favorite thing to do in the spring & summer is to drive into the wilderness and find swimming holes to dive into from adjacent cliffs. Given the depth of the water is deep enough, any fall measuring between 20-60 feet is ideal. It’s all about hang time and the sensation of your body accelerating towards the surface of the water. Too small, and you can’t really open up. Too big, and the consequences of plunging into the water outweigh the euphoric falling. Though it’s still fun to day dream about swan diving off a hundred footer just to feel gravity do its thing. From a height like that, you’re going to be in the air for the longest 3 seconds of your Life, and you’ll be hitting the water pushing 45(mph). Even with a good landing, you’ll be feeling that impact for at least a few days. The possibility of pain & injury, or worse, is present jumping from any height, but the thrill isn’t all about risking life & limbs, or vital organs.. It’s about dialing in - to the immediate present, and letting go of everything else.
It’s the same principal with boarding. When I’m reaching surface street speeds bombing down a hillside or a parking garage, it’s just me, my pintail, and the road upon which I roll, or crash.. And it’s gotta be, ‘cause I know damn well, I don’t wanna crash! So my focus has gotta be sharp, there’s no room for rumination, hesitation, none of that — no distractions. You keep your eyes downfield, knees bent, and spread the board with your feet. Anything else, you lose focus, come off your balance, over correct, and get tossed.
Though, it’s more than just the thrill that’s interests me. A thrill anybody can get in line for and strap themselves into, so to speak. There’s a greater intrinsic freedom & power in embracing a fall.
It takes skill.
It takes faith.
Most people who have anxiety with cliffs, or rollercoasters, free falling etc., don’t truly have a fear of heights, nor of falling, but a fear of crashing.. and breaking.
I’ll be honest, I still get nervous with all of the above. Yet I still dare to do ‘em because all of these styles of falling give me an incredible sense of freedom, and of being on the edge; senses I seldom find elsewhere. Plus they’re sensations that I initiate. I feel so alive, lucid even! Yet they don’t just help me be present; subliminally they teach me to embrace the chaos & vulnerability of a fall, and to crash — willingly & gracefully.
Where my mind goes, and they way my body feels when I dial into a fall reminds me of The Hum. The way the breeze hits, the rush you feel within while you descend that makes all your neck hairs stand up, and the butterflies you get up & down your spine when the water breaks your fall.
Time slows. Worries, I let go. My body just rings with excitement, but within I feel still.
Humming. Not vocally — but spiritually.
How ironic that when I’m falling, my spirits are lifted; as I plummet toward the Earth is when I feel my energies rise most high.
It’s acts like these that bring me back down to Earth. As their sensations take me away, out of my head, out of my own way, and more towards my core — I see them as spiritual practices. The careful attention they each require help tune me into the energy that I aspire to be, have, and give.
It’s not just some woo thing either, it’s a great therapy for my low moods & anxiety too! Each leap ensues it’s own gnarly trust fall.
Listen, I get nervous every time before any downhill, cliff diving, wave riding action. Every time! But, every time I also overcome the anxiety, develop more trust in myself to power through, and I learn to apply the same mindsets to all the little things too. Taking those chances, loosening up, speaking up, putting myself out there, making new connections, or reconciling past ones; taking those leaps of faith and actually opening up and leaning into the possibilities.
Anything that falls away as a result, wasn’t meant for you anyhow.
Trust,
— T